


Not Myself Today

by hearteating



Category: Anya's Ghost
Genre: Masturbation, Possession, body issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 21:40:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12897417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearteating/pseuds/hearteating
Summary: For some reason, Anya feels heavy and wrong when she wakes up.





	Not Myself Today

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ViolentFlowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolentFlowers/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide! I hope this works for you.

Anya’s body feels heavy and strange. She tries to sit up, and it takes a second for everything to get the message.

“Good morning!” Emily trills. She’s way too happy, Anya thinks irritably. She feels awful, and she thinks for a moment about telling her mom she’s sick and can’t go to school, but her mom has been getting on her case about missing classes lately. She'll just find Siobhan before school and see if they can skip together.

“Ugh, shut up,” Anya groans. “I feel awful.” She sits tiredly on the side of the bed for a few seconds longer, hating her body for being so heavy.

“I’m sure you’ll feel better soon.” Emily zooms around the room, which only pisses Anya off more for how easy she makes it look. She stands up with a grunt of effort, and steps on her socks.

Huh. She thought she’d been wearing them when she went to sleep last night. Anya stares dully at her socks for a moment, then shakes her head. Whatever. She'd probably just kicked them off.  
 

Two days later, Anya wakes up and can barely move. Her body feels strange, like it doesn’t belong to her. It doesn’t hurt; it doesn’t really feel like much of anything. She's just a lump of meat.

“Emily?” she calls out quietly. “I can’t move.”

“It’s all right!” God, why is she so cheerful? Emily hovers over Anya’s bed, smiling down at her. “It’s probably just sleep paralysis.”

“What?” Anya’s thoughts feel as heavy and strange as her body.

“I read about it in a magazine,” explains Emily, still smiling. Anya kind of hates her right now. “It’s when your body is still asleep but your brain is awake, or something like that.”

That…sort of makes sense.

“Well, it's super creepy. I’ve never had it before and it's kinda freaking me out,” she says.

“It just happens sometimes. It’s ok. Give it a few minutes, you’ll be fine.” Emily hums as Anya lies there, waiting to feel normal again.

Emily's right, sort of. Anya can move after a couple of minutes, but she definitely doesn't feel fine. She feels like she's moving through jello. Is sleep paralysis supposed to feel like this? She's awake now. God, she's probably sick. Isn't mono supposed to make you tired? Trust Anya to get mono without even kissing anyone.

“Sean has a test third period,” Emily says, looking through Anya's wardrobe. “I can help you bump into him after second, and you can wish him good luck. You'll look _super_ thoughtful.”

Damn. That's a good idea. All right, school it is. At least until third period.

Anya hauls herself out of bed and goes to get changed.

There's a bruise on her thigh that wasn't there yesterday, about the same height as the side of her desk.

“Hey, Emily?” She pokes the bruise and winces. “Does sleep paralysis come with sleepwalking? I think I banged my leg on my desk.”

“Um, maybe? I don't remember.” Emily floats down and hugs Anya. It's cold, but it's kind of sweet, too. “Don't worry, though. I'm sure it won't happen again.”

 

Anya wakes up slowly. By now, she's almost used to the way her body feels like a ton of bricks first thing in the morning. She knows if she thinks about what she has to do first, it's easier to actually do it. The heaviness never really seems to go away these days, though. When she told her mom, she'd just tutted and said it was because Anya never eats anything. Maybe she has a point. Maybe Anya should stop skipping gym some time.

Last night, though...last night had been pretty good. She hasn't dreamed in a few weeks, but she did last night.

_She's lying in bed, and she feels great. Better than she can remember feeling in a long time. She's not wearing anything, and she doesn't feel the need to cover up like she usually does. Instead, she spreads her hands over her stomach and strokes it softly. Her hands move up and cup her boobs, bouncing them a little. She giggles, and then sucks in a breath as her thumb brushes across a nipple. It happens again, and a third time, and her eyes flutter shut as her thighs rub together. Her hands stroke down her body to trail down the outside of her thighs and back up the inside. For a moment, she hesitates. There's an uneasy swoop in Anya's stomach that disappears when her fingers curl and drag up through her wetness to her clit. She gasps, and her hands move again, and again. It's different from how Anya normally does it-- slow and careful, under the covers, fantasizing about a boy. This is fast and clumsy and a little rough, like when she first started and was desperate to feel more, now. She feels the familiar tightness build, feels her thighs tensing, and then she's coming. It's quick and hot and for a moment her thoughts feel clearer than they have in weeks, and then_...the dream fades out.

Anya lies in bed a moment longer, reliving last night. Then she sighs and starts preparing to get up. First, she needs to sit up...

“Good morning, Anya,” Emily says warmly. Anya starts. Sometimes she forgets Emily is here. She turns her head.

“Morning.”

“Sleep paralysis again?” Emily sounds sympathetic as always, but there's something different about her this morning. She looks more solid than normal, and she seems relaxed instead of her usual twitchy self.

Anya grunts. She keeps meaning to look up sleep paralysis to see if there's a way to get rid of it, but who has time for that? Maybe it'll go away on its own. If it keeps happening, she'll do something about it.

“Anyway, I've been thinking about it, and I'm pretty sure if you time it right, you can talk to Sean for at least five minutes at lunch today. Don't worry, I'll help you come up with things to say if you need it...” Emily chatters on as Anya slowly sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed. There's definitely something different about Emily this morning. 

Anya changes into her uniform, half-listening to Emily.

She's so distracted she doesn't notice her pajamas are inside out.

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, it's not sleep paralysis


End file.
